I was reading a blog about wives submitting to their husbands and was struck by a comment that said something to the fact of falling in line behind your husband when he takes the lead or control. I was inspired to write this post and expound on the comment that I left on their blog. I hope it sparks new ideas and positive views.
I like to look at marriage like dancing. One partner leads, the other follows. They move together, side by side, face to face, in equal and different ways to create something exciting. The dance wouldn’t be great without a good lead (husband) to guide his partner with confidence and care. A good leader makes it his mission to learn what his partner can do, how fast they can move safely, their strengths, where they are flexible and their weak areas. They then take this information and use it to ensure that their partner enjoys the dance, doesn’t fall or get hurt and feels a boost in self confidence. They lead in a way that makes it easy for others to see the best in their partner’s abilities and the beauty of their movements.
Likewise, a great partner (submissive wife) must also make it their mission to gather information. They need to understand how their partner communicates, what his touches and motions mean, what to do if he suddenly forgets the next move without letting the dance fall apart or making the error obvious to others. If he’s a novice leader, they need to be patient and give guidance when needed but also the respect of smiling and moving at his pace when he is trying to figure it out without advice. They need to adapt with grace and finesse no matter how basic or difficult the moves become. Good dancers are seen as one unit, moving intentionally together whether they are doing the same moves or not.
Before some of you ladies get bent out of shape, keep in mind that you don’t have to say yes when a man asks you to dance. You get to choose who you will and will not allow to hold and guide you around the floor. That choice shouldn’t be made on a whim and the results of that choice fall on you just as much as they do on him (and that is straight from a feminist’s perspective).
When a woman says yes to a dance (gets married), she is saying, this man has proven that he has my best interests in mind, will do his best to make this a fun experience while making us both look good in the process and wont carelessly toss me around or touch me with perverted intentions. She is also saying that she is willing to try new things and go with the flow of his leadership, trusting that he has greatness in him that is worth exploring.
When a man asks a lady to dance (gets married), he is saying that he has a plan for the song that is playing and believes that his partner is key to him moving and grooving in ways that he couldn’t by himself. He is saying that I’ll touch you and lead you with dignity so that other men in your life will understand that they must treat you with respect. He’s willing to catch you if you trip, pull you out of harms way or take the impact when another dancer/couple gets too close. He will keep trying/moving when he runs out of ideas and let you (literally) turn circles around him while he stands firm in the confidence of his identity and the pride of knowing that the your powerful moves are a testament of your ability as a great partner, not a threat to his manhood.
When the song is over, he doesn’t just walk off and leave his partner standing there. He bows and gestures the crowd’s attention to his partner so they may get further recognition. And even if no one is watching, he puts his arm around her and proudly walks beside her as they move on to either the next dance or off of the dance floor. If she does fall during their big number, he stops everything to help her off the ground to either pick up where they left off or shoulder her weight to prevent further harm from coming to her.
This is what it means to be a submissive wife and to be led by your husband. This is what my husband does for me everyday. He doesn’t have all the answers but neither do I. If he runs into trouble, I’m right there to keep things rolling, willing to give him my best advice but not forcing it on him if he wants to find his own way (I try to at least). When I run into obstacles, he encourages me or takes on the matter himself if needed so I’ll feel secure. If we meet a problem that I have experience with, he lets me handle it because I’m his equally skilled partner. When I handle things, I don’t revel in his shortcomings or look down on him. I move with finesse knowing he’s ready and willing to do the same for me.
We are a team, if he shines, I shine. If I fall, he gets down in the dirt with me until I can stand again or carries me until I can walk again. He doesn’t make decisions for us without involving me in the process and vice versa. He doesn’t try to control me or expect me to just jump on his band wagon. He does his best to make a way for me to reach my goals and dreams. I’m proud to say that he is my husband and that yes, I submit to his God given role in our marriage.
Marriage, like dancing, is a wonderful gift that can bring you joy and boost your self worth. But if you want to join the dance, you must know your role, play your part and be willing to freestyle when the time calls for it.