My husband and I have been married for almost four years now. Lately, when things haven’t gone the way I had hoped, I’ve been getting frustrated and saying how I feel. I am very good about being direct, about staying focused and taking care of business. I’m not so good at looking at things from other’s people’s perspectives or filling up love banks when things aren’t on track. Brandon pointed this out to me the other day as I was questioning him about something that happened between us. He felt like I was blaming him, like he was failing and should just apologize over and over.
Before he said that, I didn’t know how he felt, and I hadn’t asked.
I was embarrassed and a little shamed when I realized that I was hurting him. He’d been keeping his thoughts to himself trying to work it out on his own. My directness didn’t exactly make him feel emotionally safe enough to say how he felt or ask for my help. We sat down on the couch and I apologized to him right away. I put my arms around him and told him that I was on his side. That I wanted to help if he’d be willing to let me in emotionally and I would try to be more encouraging so we could find solutions to our problems instead of automatically getting upset.
It’s easy to get caught up in our own emotions, especially if our partners aren’t as vocal about how they are feeling or what they are going through. I have started to challenge myself to be more empathetic with my husband when something doesn’t go right. It takes two to make a marriage work and I always want him to know that I’m on his side.
“I shine when you shine…”
I won’t lie and say I’m just a resource of positivity yet but I am doing my best to listen when he points something out about the way I talk about things. While it sucks to think that I’m not doing something right, I have to remind myself that I’m not perfect and that if anyone has the right to tell me about myself, its my husband. I’m thankful that he always says those kinds of things out of love. Marriage will teach you a lot about yourself if you let it.